Our Concert
About 2 weeks ago, I had this idea that it might be fun to do a concert with the kids. Although the cooking workshops have been great, another one of my goals is to establish relationships between the internat (and the children) and members of the community. Thus, if 30 people come and watch these kids, sing and dance, it has the potential to challenge any preconceived stereotypes they might have about disabilities and orphans for that matter. Also, I think that there is something very rewarding about working on a project for a period of time, and then taking pride while you show others what you’ve accomplished.
Once again, I must reiterate the notion that JUST because you have these great ideas in your head, doesn’t mean that everyone else will see them that way.
Our theme is Leeto (ie: Summer) and thus, throughout the poems, songs and dances, the children are dressed up as butterflies, flowers, sun-rays and ‘greenery’ as we call them at this point. I have choreographed two rather basic dances. The first is a very very easy and repetivive ballet number for the ‘small children’. The second is a song called “Insatiable” which still makes me laugh, but it’s upbeat, catchy and not entirely inappropriate. For the poems, we have older kids doing the readings while the younger ones/more delayed ones illustrate what is happening. Conceptually, it sounds great. In reality however, it’s proving to be a HUGE challenge.
Ironically enough, our biggest problem at this point centers around a concept I myself, have difficulty with. Delaying Gratification:
* Side Note * This revelation took me about 3 days to figure out….So, please bare/bear with me as I rant a little!!!!
Although these children struggle with their own ‘issues’, most of them have the capability to listen and to follow directions when they choose to do so. It’s a matter of motivation, NOT ability. So, when we proposed the idea of show, everyone warmly received it. Kids were thrilled at the prospect of dressing up and having an actual audience (The audience will consist of our host families, our tutors, other random Ukrainian ppl we’ve met and ‘fingers crossed’ some of the older people from the nursing home.) So, one day…they’re excited and ready to listen and learn. The next day however, if they’re able to watch tv, or go pick cherries etc,…..they decide they don’t want to participate anymore. Even when we have Nadia there (Ukrainian student) and she tells them that if they leave now, they can’t particpate at ALL….they shrug their shoulders and are content to leave it at that. Now, a part of me wants to just say, “fine…if you don’t want to do it, then don’t!” But….this ping-pong style of interest applies to EVERY child.
Most days, they are left on their own and are able to make their own decisions. Aside from demands (that often are accompanied by yelling and threats of beating), they do what they want, when they want. So…here is where the concept of delayed gratification comes in.
When we’re doing a cooking activity, and they are told that they MUST sit quietly and raise their hand if they want a turn, or if they want seconds….whatever it is they want. They do it. Very quickly, everyone ‘learns’ what they must do in order to receive X. The major difference with the concert is that the reward, the ‘fruit salad’ doesn’t occur immediately. It’s still a week away. Thus, in one moment….when they must pick between going outside to pick/eat cherries, or practice the dance once again (in the sweaty club room)…it’s a no brainer!!!! Of course they’ll want to do whatever will give them the ‘reward’ the soonest!
So, here is where my HUGE frustrating problem kicks in. I feel as if I have volunteered my summer and my energy and my emotions to do constructive, fun, loving activities with the kids, but every day, there seems to be a fight. How the hell does that make sense? There is a part of me that feels I shouldn’t have to beg/plead/yell at 14 year old children to stop goofing off and copy me. Over and over again too!
In moments like this, I’m temped to just say ‘forget it’ and take that portion of the show right out. But, I really know that if we can just get through it…if I can somehow communicate that the practicing will yield a rewarding result…and make the hard work worth it….Then, I don’t want to just give up myself either.
Okay, that was a HUGE rant….if anyone has any ideas about what I’m going through, I’d love to hear them.
I’m really hoping the show will go alright, it’s probably only going to be 45 minutes long, but I really think that the children will love showing off their hard work, their art work (as all the crafts we make this week and next will become decorations for the show) and show off their talents!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
An Update
I have been extremely lazy in my blogging duties lately. I’d like to say it’s because my life has picked up dramatically and now I’m crazy busy, all of the time. Sadly, I still spend a good chunk of time being bored. Boredom is an extremely elusive concept. When you’re swamped in work or stress, or most often, a combination of the two, you crave free time, time to just sit and think or read or sing to yourself! However, once you experience it, particularly large quantities of it, what was once so sought after becomes depressing and exhausting!
Anyways, I think that instead of expecting myself to journal daily, detailing each part of my day in specifics, I”ll just update you (whomever you are!) on the developments in each part of my life every week or so.
Thus:
Home Life:
I have come to love my host family to the point where I regard them as my actual secondary family. Yet, the problem is that now, I no longer idealize their little quirks as attractive, adorable traits. In fact, I’m finding myself getting frustrated and annoyed because I am never left alone! I know that Luba is well intentioned and I’m supremely appreciative that I don’t have a host family who ignores me. But, there are times when I just want to be able to make my own lunch or have a bath in private!!!!!
~A quick example to illustrate my point:
The other morning, I wake up (something I am NOT a fan of doing!) and stumble into the kitchen. I grab the matches, light one up, shove it into the element and CRANK the gas! Crap, I burnt my hand but at least I’m one step closer to my coffee! Luba comes in, singing, nearly bellowing my name! I say Dobre Ranuk- which means good morning…..But, I’m really hoping from my lack luster tone that she’ll realize this means, “give me time to wake up please” Sadly, she didn’t pick up on this subtle hint. I grab my jar of Nutella, a banana and some bread and begin to create my masterpiece.
“Valerie, do you want Sausage?!?!?!” she sings in Ukrainian.
No Thank you I tell her, I don’t want Sausage
Cho Mooooo!!! (Why?)
Because I’m not hungry for Sausage
ChoMOooooo
Becaue I don’t like Sausage in the mornings
ChoooMOOooooo
Because it’s ‘bad’ in the mornings!
And with this, she is offended because I insulted her Kalbasa and I’m completely pissed off because I’m grumpy in the mornings, and the LAST thing I want to do is convince someone that I’m just not a pork girl at 8:00am~!!!!
{Mom- please don’t think I’m being disrespectful or anything. I’m venting on here, but I’m still nice to them. I promise!}
So, in a nutshell: My family is great –they’re loving and they keep constant tabs on me and still try to feed me all of the time. However, living with 4 other people in a small apartment can get frustrating and I continue to remind myself that I have my own habits too, so I must make an effort to love them in spite of theirs!
Orphanage:
So, where to begin?! I realize that I haven’t updated the “Internat” situation since forever ago and I feel as if there is SO Much to talk about, and at the same time nothing.
Overall, I have completely adapted to the orphanage on most levels. I walk through the gates and am greeted (or swarmed) by any number of children and I smile and I’m squeezed and I say hello over and over again.
The children are still very violent towards each other and while we all (Canadian students) discourage the hitting and encourage the talking,- I’ve realized that I’m fighting a HUGE and impossible battle. There is a hierarchy that exists and it is based on a combination of:
a) Physical Size
b) The degree to which you are disabled ie: where you are developmentally and
c) your subsequent status in the internat.
Thus, a chain exits and everyone plays their role.
A number of weeks ago I came up with a “ Plan of Attack” (probably not the most suitable word- but you get my drift) Basically, I decided that while hugging and kissing and colouring with these children is valuable, I really should be using my strengths and abilities to do something more. After a number of phone calls and meetings and frustrations, I was able to hire two Ukrainian students to come and help us implement workshops with the kids. Essentially, my goals were to strengthen the relationships of everyone involved, promote each child’s self esteem by acknowledging their unique abilities and ultimately, teach them life skills that might prove to be helpful in their future endeavors. Oh, yeah –and have fun!
Every week, Nadia and Leela come on Mondays and Wednesday and spend about 2 hours per day.
*An Aside* This experience has really drove home the notion of flexibility and adaptation because I continue (on a daily basis) to have certain ideas, hopes and expectations about how something will go, and then what actually is feasible ends up being completely different. In the end, you either need to ‘go with the flow’ and make the best of the ‘new’ situation, or you end up becoming a stress case!!!!!
So, although my plans have been altered and re-defined a number of times, this is how the Ukrainian students and our ‘workshops’ work: Mondays and Wednesdays, the woman show up at 11 and we round up kids and head to a classroom. The first hour is spent on developing some sort of skill and then practicing it. Thus, activities that we have done so far include:
Making Salad! –This was our first workshop and we were told to expect maybe 10 -12 kids. We had 22 show up and were using a teeny tiny classroom. After breaking the kids up into different age/ability levels, I had the tiniest girls crumbling crackers and cheese on to plates. The medium age/ability girls using veggie peelers (all of which, had never seen one before!) and peeling carrots/cucumber. Another group was ripping apart a head of cauliflower. And finally, the last group was slicing the tomatoes. Although the noise level was a bit crazy at times, the kids really really loved it, they ADORE eating the salad, and it was really great to do an activity that fostered so many skills. We talked about the importance of washing your hands before you prepare or eat anything. –They were thrilled to use “Canadian” soap! We discussed why vegetables are important (the basics that is!) and finally, the proper way to cut/peel something. The following week, we did fruit salad and it went even better!
Another initiative that was started was the daily brushing of teeth. Jolene purchased a number of toothbrushes and her and Claudia help organize the distribution of the brushes and oversee the actual brushing every day. The group of kids we do it with adore the attention (and toothpaste!) and it’s funny, because just the other day, one of the ‘babies’ (a child from the youngest group) asked if she could brush her teeth too! So, I went out and bought more and will start with them soon!
This past Monday, we created a small ‘store’ in our Klub room and Claudia created a whole wack of pretend money. The kids were each given $10.00 (fake Hyrivnia) and were told to purchase whatever they wanted from the prodovets “store keepers’ but, before they could buy it, they had to ask what the price was, give us an appropriate bill and then tell us how much money they should receive back. We only worked in 1, 2, 5 and 10 dollar bills, so the actual math was very basic. Yet, most of the children really needed to think about it, or needed actual fingers to be brought out and counted down.
Still, the motivation was there! At our stores, we sold: note books and pencils, cups of yogurt, cups of crackers, cookies, cups of cereal and of course- candy!
Another quick digression: I really wanted a few of the younger girls to participate in the store game because they’re often excluded as the few staff that are working, are put with the youngest group and make them all stay together. I ran outside on Monday and asked Maria (the staff ‘supervising’ the young ones) if 3 of her group could come with me to the klub for a special game. She told me that they were not to go because they had to take care of the small children. Inside, I’m thinking…”they ARE the small children!!! Why on earth, should the 6 and 7 year olds be forced to care for the 4 year olds when that is YOUR job!?” Still though, I keep reminding myself that I must develop positive rapports with these staff members because they have all of the power at the orphanage and because of that, I need them to like me! So, I sucked up, smiled and said please and explained what we were doing and said please again….and behind me, the little girls are jumping up and down, making praying hands and saying “please please please” This breaks my heart because I didn’t want them to know about it unless they were able to participate, but amazingly enough, a small smile broke through her grimaced face and she said “Yes, they can go, but they must be back before an hour”
Well, you would have thought that these children were given a pony! They SQUEALED with delight and ran over to me with massive smiles. I, of course, joined in on the fun and together we all giggled and ran to the klub room! This is the type of experience that makes being here worthwhile. The un-tainted and pure joy that is exuded from these little girls was astounding because you really would think that with their life, they’d be incapable of such emotion
Onto the Next Hour….(in our workshop days that is)
Typically, we spend the 2nd hour of “Nadia and Leela time” playing games in the Klub room. Essentially, I have reopened my Summer Playground brain and am pulling out all of the games that we play at camp and changing certain things to make it more relevant here. My goal is to have Nadia and Leela help give us tools so that we can work with the kids alone. For example, now, when we want their attention, regardless of who is around, all we do is raise our hand and cover our mouth, and quickly everyone follows. Also, we use them to explain the games to the kids, to reinforce why we must follow the rules and that we LOVE for them to participate and play, but when they don’t listen, they must leave. In our first week, we were only able to play a game that resembled duck duck goose. Now we have over 10 different games/activities that we can do at any time. Although it isn’t formally academic, I still really believe there is value in playing these structured games. The children are learning to respect us and listen to us, by only our words (not screaming and violence) They are learning to be polite to us (by asking nicely for things, thanking us for things and excusing themselves with it’s necessary). I also, 100% continue to demonstrate appropriate behaviour and reiterate over and over again that while I don’t like it when they do X, I love love love them! An area where we (Canadians) have disagreed is on discipline. I can understand that we’re here for only a short time, and that we want the kids to have fun together. Still, you can’t undervalue the importance of positive discipline. I think that most children have the capacity to meet an expectation, if you are consistent in how you approach them. Thus, when I tell them that they must sit quietly, with their hand raised if they want more of something and I absolutely DO NOT give the begging child, who is making whimpering noises the desired role/food, she quickly learns the appropriate behaviour as well. I’ve struggled with the idea of imposing Western thought and ideals on these kids here, but ultimately, it comes down to what works for me. If I can function much more happily in an environment where the kids listen to me and behave a certain way, then why not? Sorry, I’ve gone off on a tangent there…forgive me!
So, yeah, the students are wonderful because they work great with the girls, they promote relationships between the internat and the university, and they help give us the tools/a voice so that our experience here is more meaningful!
There are things that still make me cringe, cry and be unbelievably angry. But, I think I will stop on a positive note for now!
I hope everyone is well and please continue to send me email updates about your life!
Love, Val
Anyways, I think that instead of expecting myself to journal daily, detailing each part of my day in specifics, I”ll just update you (whomever you are!) on the developments in each part of my life every week or so.
Thus:
Home Life:
I have come to love my host family to the point where I regard them as my actual secondary family. Yet, the problem is that now, I no longer idealize their little quirks as attractive, adorable traits. In fact, I’m finding myself getting frustrated and annoyed because I am never left alone! I know that Luba is well intentioned and I’m supremely appreciative that I don’t have a host family who ignores me. But, there are times when I just want to be able to make my own lunch or have a bath in private!!!!!
~A quick example to illustrate my point:
The other morning, I wake up (something I am NOT a fan of doing!) and stumble into the kitchen. I grab the matches, light one up, shove it into the element and CRANK the gas! Crap, I burnt my hand but at least I’m one step closer to my coffee! Luba comes in, singing, nearly bellowing my name! I say Dobre Ranuk- which means good morning…..But, I’m really hoping from my lack luster tone that she’ll realize this means, “give me time to wake up please” Sadly, she didn’t pick up on this subtle hint. I grab my jar of Nutella, a banana and some bread and begin to create my masterpiece.
“Valerie, do you want Sausage?!?!?!” she sings in Ukrainian.
No Thank you I tell her, I don’t want Sausage
Cho Mooooo!!! (Why?)
Because I’m not hungry for Sausage
ChoMOooooo
Becaue I don’t like Sausage in the mornings
ChoooMOOooooo
Because it’s ‘bad’ in the mornings!
And with this, she is offended because I insulted her Kalbasa and I’m completely pissed off because I’m grumpy in the mornings, and the LAST thing I want to do is convince someone that I’m just not a pork girl at 8:00am~!!!!
{Mom- please don’t think I’m being disrespectful or anything. I’m venting on here, but I’m still nice to them. I promise!}
So, in a nutshell: My family is great –they’re loving and they keep constant tabs on me and still try to feed me all of the time. However, living with 4 other people in a small apartment can get frustrating and I continue to remind myself that I have my own habits too, so I must make an effort to love them in spite of theirs!
Orphanage:
So, where to begin?! I realize that I haven’t updated the “Internat” situation since forever ago and I feel as if there is SO Much to talk about, and at the same time nothing.
Overall, I have completely adapted to the orphanage on most levels. I walk through the gates and am greeted (or swarmed) by any number of children and I smile and I’m squeezed and I say hello over and over again.
The children are still very violent towards each other and while we all (Canadian students) discourage the hitting and encourage the talking,- I’ve realized that I’m fighting a HUGE and impossible battle. There is a hierarchy that exists and it is based on a combination of:
a) Physical Size
b) The degree to which you are disabled ie: where you are developmentally and
c) your subsequent status in the internat.
Thus, a chain exits and everyone plays their role.
A number of weeks ago I came up with a “ Plan of Attack” (probably not the most suitable word- but you get my drift) Basically, I decided that while hugging and kissing and colouring with these children is valuable, I really should be using my strengths and abilities to do something more. After a number of phone calls and meetings and frustrations, I was able to hire two Ukrainian students to come and help us implement workshops with the kids. Essentially, my goals were to strengthen the relationships of everyone involved, promote each child’s self esteem by acknowledging their unique abilities and ultimately, teach them life skills that might prove to be helpful in their future endeavors. Oh, yeah –and have fun!
Every week, Nadia and Leela come on Mondays and Wednesday and spend about 2 hours per day.
*An Aside* This experience has really drove home the notion of flexibility and adaptation because I continue (on a daily basis) to have certain ideas, hopes and expectations about how something will go, and then what actually is feasible ends up being completely different. In the end, you either need to ‘go with the flow’ and make the best of the ‘new’ situation, or you end up becoming a stress case!!!!!
So, although my plans have been altered and re-defined a number of times, this is how the Ukrainian students and our ‘workshops’ work: Mondays and Wednesdays, the woman show up at 11 and we round up kids and head to a classroom. The first hour is spent on developing some sort of skill and then practicing it. Thus, activities that we have done so far include:
Making Salad! –This was our first workshop and we were told to expect maybe 10 -12 kids. We had 22 show up and were using a teeny tiny classroom. After breaking the kids up into different age/ability levels, I had the tiniest girls crumbling crackers and cheese on to plates. The medium age/ability girls using veggie peelers (all of which, had never seen one before!) and peeling carrots/cucumber. Another group was ripping apart a head of cauliflower. And finally, the last group was slicing the tomatoes. Although the noise level was a bit crazy at times, the kids really really loved it, they ADORE eating the salad, and it was really great to do an activity that fostered so many skills. We talked about the importance of washing your hands before you prepare or eat anything. –They were thrilled to use “Canadian” soap! We discussed why vegetables are important (the basics that is!) and finally, the proper way to cut/peel something. The following week, we did fruit salad and it went even better!
Another initiative that was started was the daily brushing of teeth. Jolene purchased a number of toothbrushes and her and Claudia help organize the distribution of the brushes and oversee the actual brushing every day. The group of kids we do it with adore the attention (and toothpaste!) and it’s funny, because just the other day, one of the ‘babies’ (a child from the youngest group) asked if she could brush her teeth too! So, I went out and bought more and will start with them soon!
This past Monday, we created a small ‘store’ in our Klub room and Claudia created a whole wack of pretend money. The kids were each given $10.00 (fake Hyrivnia) and were told to purchase whatever they wanted from the prodovets “store keepers’ but, before they could buy it, they had to ask what the price was, give us an appropriate bill and then tell us how much money they should receive back. We only worked in 1, 2, 5 and 10 dollar bills, so the actual math was very basic. Yet, most of the children really needed to think about it, or needed actual fingers to be brought out and counted down.
Still, the motivation was there! At our stores, we sold: note books and pencils, cups of yogurt, cups of crackers, cookies, cups of cereal and of course- candy!
Another quick digression: I really wanted a few of the younger girls to participate in the store game because they’re often excluded as the few staff that are working, are put with the youngest group and make them all stay together. I ran outside on Monday and asked Maria (the staff ‘supervising’ the young ones) if 3 of her group could come with me to the klub for a special game. She told me that they were not to go because they had to take care of the small children. Inside, I’m thinking…”they ARE the small children!!! Why on earth, should the 6 and 7 year olds be forced to care for the 4 year olds when that is YOUR job!?” Still though, I keep reminding myself that I must develop positive rapports with these staff members because they have all of the power at the orphanage and because of that, I need them to like me! So, I sucked up, smiled and said please and explained what we were doing and said please again….and behind me, the little girls are jumping up and down, making praying hands and saying “please please please” This breaks my heart because I didn’t want them to know about it unless they were able to participate, but amazingly enough, a small smile broke through her grimaced face and she said “Yes, they can go, but they must be back before an hour”
Well, you would have thought that these children were given a pony! They SQUEALED with delight and ran over to me with massive smiles. I, of course, joined in on the fun and together we all giggled and ran to the klub room! This is the type of experience that makes being here worthwhile. The un-tainted and pure joy that is exuded from these little girls was astounding because you really would think that with their life, they’d be incapable of such emotion
Onto the Next Hour….(in our workshop days that is)
Typically, we spend the 2nd hour of “Nadia and Leela time” playing games in the Klub room. Essentially, I have reopened my Summer Playground brain and am pulling out all of the games that we play at camp and changing certain things to make it more relevant here. My goal is to have Nadia and Leela help give us tools so that we can work with the kids alone. For example, now, when we want their attention, regardless of who is around, all we do is raise our hand and cover our mouth, and quickly everyone follows. Also, we use them to explain the games to the kids, to reinforce why we must follow the rules and that we LOVE for them to participate and play, but when they don’t listen, they must leave. In our first week, we were only able to play a game that resembled duck duck goose. Now we have over 10 different games/activities that we can do at any time. Although it isn’t formally academic, I still really believe there is value in playing these structured games. The children are learning to respect us and listen to us, by only our words (not screaming and violence) They are learning to be polite to us (by asking nicely for things, thanking us for things and excusing themselves with it’s necessary). I also, 100% continue to demonstrate appropriate behaviour and reiterate over and over again that while I don’t like it when they do X, I love love love them! An area where we (Canadians) have disagreed is on discipline. I can understand that we’re here for only a short time, and that we want the kids to have fun together. Still, you can’t undervalue the importance of positive discipline. I think that most children have the capacity to meet an expectation, if you are consistent in how you approach them. Thus, when I tell them that they must sit quietly, with their hand raised if they want more of something and I absolutely DO NOT give the begging child, who is making whimpering noises the desired role/food, she quickly learns the appropriate behaviour as well. I’ve struggled with the idea of imposing Western thought and ideals on these kids here, but ultimately, it comes down to what works for me. If I can function much more happily in an environment where the kids listen to me and behave a certain way, then why not? Sorry, I’ve gone off on a tangent there…forgive me!
So, yeah, the students are wonderful because they work great with the girls, they promote relationships between the internat and the university, and they help give us the tools/a voice so that our experience here is more meaningful!
There are things that still make me cringe, cry and be unbelievably angry. But, I think I will stop on a positive note for now!
I hope everyone is well and please continue to send me email updates about your life!
Love, Val
Random Fact of the Day – Especially relevant when you’re in Ukraine!
If you’re attempting to make a muffin batter and are unable to find baking powder, but stumble upon an unmarked plastic dish of white powder, do not assume it is baking powder. I repeat, regardless of how much you may think it looks and smells like baking powder, random white powder shouldn’t be added to your oatmeal/banana muffin batter. Trust me on this; things will not end pleasantly. ☺
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Excursion Time!
This past weekend was wonderful! By Friday night I was exhausted (typical of my Friday’s here) but Claud and Jo came over for a little “Happy Feet” and coolers. Yay for mixing Disney movies with alcohol huh?! Saturday I was able to chat with Spense, Mo and Sarah for nearly 3 hours and spent the rest of the day relaxing and hanging out with my family (something I’ve really come to enjoy). Sunday morning however, I woke up at 5:45…packed up a huge lunch, folded a small blanket into a square and put it in a pillow case and was out the door by 6:30 to catch a bus that would take me to the “Hotel Ternopil”. By 7:00am we were on the road (all the Canadian female students, our former professor Laryssa, a geography prof named Eehor (who was acting as our tour guide) and Eehor’s son and his son’s friend) headed towards some castles! Along the way we made a few stops and Eehor pointed out various castle ruins and explained the geography behind them. Nothing however, prepared me for just how very cool an actual castle from the 13th century would be to visit. We arrived in the town of Hoton, parked the ‘bus’ (a huge van that seats 10) and entered through this tunnel. Immediately, we were blown away with the ‘fortress’ and how huge and intact it was. After touring the outside area and walking around the building we were able to go inside!!! Aside from a few little touristy booths that were set up, the rest of the castle remained as it was thousands of years ago. And Oh man, this is where the climbing adventure began. Throughout the entire day, we climbed up and down stairs, up and down hills….and then more stairs…I thought my legs might break off! At one point, Jo, Claud and I headed down these steep, cement stairs into what I thought was some sort of prison (we were told later it was a make shift fridge). Bear in mind hwoever, that there isn’t the money to turn these places into really touristy attractions so it exists as it would have forever ago. Thus, it’s dark, musty, muddy, full of rocks…and…did I mention dark. Each step we took into this ‘cave’ heightened our anticipation and Claudia was heard more than once muttering… “somebody hold me!” Luckily, cell phones have an amazing capacity to help light up a dark place and we made it down. The thing was, the mud acted like a wetter form of quick sand, and did not mix well with our sandals. In particular, my wonderfully cheap Old Navy flip flops did not get along with this mud and consequently, every step I took was a challenge as I would stick and begin to sink…but attempting to lift my foot directly up proved useless as it just became more suctioned. I was TERRIFIED to fall for a variety of reasons: a) My tail bone STILL isn’t healed and its been nearly 7 months. B) its freaking dark and muddy and c) we still had a FULL day of touring to do. Just when I decided I had enough I began to make the treck back to the cement stairs. One step, two steps…and *pull* *pullllllll*- “Guyyyyyyyss, I’m really really stuck here!” I yelled to the group. I was able to slide my right foot forwards, but not actually remove it from the mud. This however, resulted in a gradual progression towards doing the splits and pretty soon I realized I need my left foot to catch up. I lifted, I tugged and finally I used alllll my power to yank my foot UP! Well, Up it came. Sadly, my flip flop did not. I broke my freaking shoe!!!! Thankfully, this was a day where I was laughing at ridiculous things, so I gave up….put my now bare foot right into the mud…prayed that I wouldn’t catch AIDS (which Claud made fun of) and pried my (broken) flip flop out of the mud. Hobbling up the stairs with broken, muddy shoe in hand….I wonedered what they heck I’d wear for the rest of our trip. (The crazy thing was that I had already injured my right foot the night before as I tripped, smashed my big toe into a rock and lost a good chunk of it! It hurt, but the amount of blood that came pouring from it was pretty cool and Slaveek seemed impressed!) Anyways, I digress! After some creative cleaning using grass and TP, Eeehor found some old string/twine that was hung as a decoration, cut a piece off and tied my flip flop back together. It wasn’t the most comfortable sandal anymore, but far better than the alternative.
At one point, we followed this steep hill down to the back of the castle and were told about various superstitions that used to exist. (Also, lots of wars….lots and lots of wars)
Then, it was time to re-climb the hill. I remember looking up at it….with broken foot/footwear, thinking…how the HECK am I going to get back up this thing. It was incredibly steep and very slick. By the top, we were all huffing and puffing and ready to die…luckily, it was time for lunch! We ended up going into a small ‘bar’ –which means, they serve food and lots of alcohol. But Laryssa and Eehor didn’t initially join us. Apparently, once they came to the top of the hill, the uber hot sun took it’s toll on Eehor and he passed out. Laryassa called an ambulance and together, they all came into the bar to make sure he was okay. Although he was ghostly white, after some food, water and rest, he felt better. At this point, we figured we might end up all going home, but it was decided that we had come this far and might as well continue to the next castle location: Carmenitz Podeesk.
Another hour later (about 3ish in total) we arrived in a small town, parked the van, said our farewells to the driver and Eehor (who decided to stay in the vehicle and rest) and made the walk to the next castle. Upon entering the grounds, and seeing the building we were flabber gasted. The first one was really cool, but Carmenitz Podeesk is known for this attraction and as such, more money/time has been invested in it’s upkeep. The first cool thing is that there is only one way into this town. It’s naturally surrounded by a lake that loops around, and has only one entrance/exit point. Apparently, in the ‘olden days’ this is how they would monitor who entered their village as well as protect themselves in wars. The inside of the castle was equally intriguing, but again – the upkeep and ‘safety’ precautions were slightly more developed here so I think on average, we enjoyed it more. There were plenty of stairs, look up points, rooms and once again- dark cellars. At the top of every stair case, there was this warning sign with a picture of a man falling down some crazy stairs and landing on his head. In the various underground rooms, there was minimal lighting and diorama’s set up with statues that depicted various battles and other points in history. I’m not normally a big history person- the story is always interesting, but I’m curious for maybe 5 minutes and then my mind is somewhere else. However, this experience was the EXACT opposite of a textbook. The smells and sights were real and it was so surreal to think what this place would have looked like in the 13th century. We kept comparing it to the Castle in the 2nd Shrek movie. It was simply awesome. We saw the old well they used to use –which now people throw coins into, as well as the underground prison that was deeply depressing (but still alluring in it’s own way).
Oh- quick note: A really neat thing happened throughout this trip and surprise, surprise- it has to do with toilets! Now, at the gas station we stopped to use a bathroom and it was a gross hold in the ground with bugs flying out of it and waste product that didn’t quite make it! :S ew. Okay, so this one I really hated. BUT! At Carmentiz Podeesk- I entered the lit up bathrooms, to find little stalls that were reasonably clean with also, holes in the ground- and without even thinking I was pleased. “Great, I thought- a bathroom I can handle!” Then it hit me! I’m adjusted!!!!! I can now EASILY pee in a squatting poisition and no longer need to remove everything from the waste down for fear that I’ll pee on it! I was thrilled and made (almost had to drag) Claudia come and check out the affirming toilet hole that I mastered!!!!
After more touring of the town, buying some over priced little nick-nacks and finding a bottle of water without gas- I was sooo ready for the busy. On our way back, my legs were actually tingling which I think meant- give us a break already!!!!
After a 3 hour bus ride, we returned to Ternopil and I was soooo very excited. That night I layed on the floor watching football with my family and passed out a number of times before I made it to bed at 10:00.
I’m so glad I did this and can’t wait to upload some pictures to show you!!!!
Love you- I’ll post more about the Internat soon too- some neat things have happened there lately.
Val
At one point, we followed this steep hill down to the back of the castle and were told about various superstitions that used to exist. (Also, lots of wars….lots and lots of wars)
Then, it was time to re-climb the hill. I remember looking up at it….with broken foot/footwear, thinking…how the HECK am I going to get back up this thing. It was incredibly steep and very slick. By the top, we were all huffing and puffing and ready to die…luckily, it was time for lunch! We ended up going into a small ‘bar’ –which means, they serve food and lots of alcohol. But Laryssa and Eehor didn’t initially join us. Apparently, once they came to the top of the hill, the uber hot sun took it’s toll on Eehor and he passed out. Laryassa called an ambulance and together, they all came into the bar to make sure he was okay. Although he was ghostly white, after some food, water and rest, he felt better. At this point, we figured we might end up all going home, but it was decided that we had come this far and might as well continue to the next castle location: Carmenitz Podeesk.
Another hour later (about 3ish in total) we arrived in a small town, parked the van, said our farewells to the driver and Eehor (who decided to stay in the vehicle and rest) and made the walk to the next castle. Upon entering the grounds, and seeing the building we were flabber gasted. The first one was really cool, but Carmenitz Podeesk is known for this attraction and as such, more money/time has been invested in it’s upkeep. The first cool thing is that there is only one way into this town. It’s naturally surrounded by a lake that loops around, and has only one entrance/exit point. Apparently, in the ‘olden days’ this is how they would monitor who entered their village as well as protect themselves in wars. The inside of the castle was equally intriguing, but again – the upkeep and ‘safety’ precautions were slightly more developed here so I think on average, we enjoyed it more. There were plenty of stairs, look up points, rooms and once again- dark cellars. At the top of every stair case, there was this warning sign with a picture of a man falling down some crazy stairs and landing on his head. In the various underground rooms, there was minimal lighting and diorama’s set up with statues that depicted various battles and other points in history. I’m not normally a big history person- the story is always interesting, but I’m curious for maybe 5 minutes and then my mind is somewhere else. However, this experience was the EXACT opposite of a textbook. The smells and sights were real and it was so surreal to think what this place would have looked like in the 13th century. We kept comparing it to the Castle in the 2nd Shrek movie. It was simply awesome. We saw the old well they used to use –which now people throw coins into, as well as the underground prison that was deeply depressing (but still alluring in it’s own way).
Oh- quick note: A really neat thing happened throughout this trip and surprise, surprise- it has to do with toilets! Now, at the gas station we stopped to use a bathroom and it was a gross hold in the ground with bugs flying out of it and waste product that didn’t quite make it! :S ew. Okay, so this one I really hated. BUT! At Carmentiz Podeesk- I entered the lit up bathrooms, to find little stalls that were reasonably clean with also, holes in the ground- and without even thinking I was pleased. “Great, I thought- a bathroom I can handle!” Then it hit me! I’m adjusted!!!!! I can now EASILY pee in a squatting poisition and no longer need to remove everything from the waste down for fear that I’ll pee on it! I was thrilled and made (almost had to drag) Claudia come and check out the affirming toilet hole that I mastered!!!!
After more touring of the town, buying some over priced little nick-nacks and finding a bottle of water without gas- I was sooo ready for the busy. On our way back, my legs were actually tingling which I think meant- give us a break already!!!!
After a 3 hour bus ride, we returned to Ternopil and I was soooo very excited. That night I layed on the floor watching football with my family and passed out a number of times before I made it to bed at 10:00.
I’m so glad I did this and can’t wait to upload some pictures to show you!!!!
Love you- I’ll post more about the Internat soon too- some neat things have happened there lately.
Val
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The Good With The Bad
So, it’s been a few days since I last wrote, and to be completely honest, this is due to the fact that I’ve been both exhausted by the end of the each day, and the little energy I do have left, I don’t want to use to relive the various emotions of the day!
In the past weekish, there have been some wonderfully amazing experiences that once again, reaffirmed my place here. Though, this past Friday morning was so deflating and downright depressing…so..once again, it’s a wide range of emotions!
Okay, lets do the ‘bad’ experience first. Friday started as a great day…we arrived and were quickly greeted by a gamut of semi nude to full out naked kids running around. Thursdays are cleaning/clothes cleaning day and Fridays are Vana time! (hahaha, I just had a mental image of kids sitting around watching The Wheel of Fortune and clapping wildily when Vana White came on stage!) The Vana I’m referring to is the Vana-Bath and it’s amazing what some warm water and shampoo can do! I found my way downstairs to a ‘classroom’ where the Malli Deetay (small children) were being kept and asked if I could help. I was surprised they had all been bathed (but was glad as I’m afraid the bathing process might have been a bit too rough to handle first thing in the morning) Instead, I was given a comb and went from child to child and brushed their hair. Most of them have very little hair, but even then…you could tell how much they adored the one on one attention. I fell in love with these little angels who smelled good, and weren’t covered in stale urine and caked on food. My little Youla kept getting off of her pot to come and cling…I think I may call her my Koala baby from now on…and I was able to pull out some markers and coloring books, get them to sit down at the little table and tell them how beautiful and molodetz their work was. I loved it! Then….then Maria…(the teacher/nurse) asked if I would stay and watch them for a bit….”Sure!!!!” I replied…probably too enthusiastically. I was thrilled at the opportunitity to have some alone time, and some serious bonding time. Boy oh BOY was I wrong. What happened next challenged me in every single way possible. Out of 9 children, between the ages of 4-7, three of them…basically transformed into monsters!!!! Zoriana is one of the smaller ones, but is extremely bright and often ignored. She began to hoard all of the markers and slap Shneezana in the face (another teeny tiny one). In retrospect, I wish I just would have ignored Zoriana’s behaviour and moved Shneezana as I think this may have provoked less negative attention. Either way, I decided that if she couldn’t share, and wouldn’t play nicely, then she couldn’t do it at all. The problem is, I don’t have the ability to communicate this….especially at a level that would be logical to her. Instead, it became a battle to get the markers….most of which she hurled at other children….a few she tried to eat….and then she tried to color on anything within reach including her tongue. Oddly enough, two other, older girls immediately played into this…and for the next 30 minutes…all 3 children attacked, bit, spit…broke/throw anything they could find. I knew quickly that they simply wanted the attention, so I attempted ‘planned ignoring’. The problem is…when they’re straddling a child who is about 14 lbs…and pulling out chunks of her hair,…you really can’t ignore it. Repeatedly, I pulled these kids off other children, and each other…and had to use a considerable amount of force to do it. What was so infuriating was that they laughed the entire time. If I yanked at a child like that at home, they’d be in tears within seconds….these kids laughed and spit. Ugh! Even now, I’m getting worked up because I have never felt so incompetent and useless (particularly with children!!!) before in my life. At one point, this older girl…who is for some reason clumped with the young’ins….(Mentally, she is definitely 4ish)…realized that she could get into the little back room where the spare clothes and bread was kept. Zoriana and Nastia noticed that she had this ability, and together they plotted to get me to move away from the door. Just then, this little girl Vera (cute little blond girl whose eyes are crossed most of the time) had just finished peeing in a pot. With this look in her eyes, Zoriana ran over to the pot and picked it up. No ZOriana…No….I said…Thinking she was going to throw it….Then..she lifted it to her face and acted as if she was going to drink it. The speed at which I reached her and took the pot from her tiny little hands must have been startling, because there was no struggle but it was only a few seconds later when they were at it again. I seriously considered leaving the room at one point…because I was sooo overwhelmed and nothing I did seemed to work. Finally, I pulled out a small bead and began to do my one and only ‘magic’ trick. That worked for a few moments and I desperately tired to keep their attention longer. My Goodness though, without words…you don’t have access to singing, to imagination…to anything!!!!! When the teacher re-appeared about 40 minutes later…She asked, “How were they?...How did it go?....How something” and I said it was good, but that these 3 children did not listen and were ‘bad’. I hated to use that word…but my vocab is so limited that I “Not listen” and “bad” was all I was able to say. Before I finished saying the words, these 3 kids…shrunk into themselves, hung their heads and prepared for their punishement. She screamed at them…(so very shrill) and grabbed their arms and swung them to bench…(presumably for a time out). Then she continued to scream and I heard something about…. ‘listen ….Valeria….”…. Now…I’m going to be fully honest here: As this was happening, there was a part of me that felt pleased. Finally, they were no longer ‘winning’ and were getting in trouble for it. This feeling didn’t last long because it was soon replaced by this …”Holy Crap…the entire system is just soooo messed up” You want to love and encourage and offer positive reinforcement and create relationships and rapportss that that are so strong, all you need to do is put on a stern face…and it’s enough. But…when the entire system and relationships is based on screaming and violence…both staff and children learn that it is the only way. It’s what works. Even after the countless hours I’ve spent with children, I’ve spent reading and researching and promoting a verbal approach to discipline problems, I felt myself suppressing the urge to just wallop them one! Not because when I’m angry, I want to be physically violent…but I just wanted SOMETHING to work. And when every other single ‘trick’ I had….ran out….I was fed up. Even now…3 days later…I’m still thinking about the experince and it’s changed how I perceive a lot of the ppl at the internat. The children, (in particular…these 3) but in general….how they differ….how they are almost forced to become strong, and tough and able to handle the volatile atmosphere because they must in order to survive. Also, I look at the nurses with less judgment then I initially did. I really don’t know what their life is like, how long they’ve worked here..and what else is happening in their lives. *Huge Sigh*….Either way though, it’s tremendously frustrating because I want it to be different, but I don’t think I have the ability to affect that change.
Anyways, onto a more positive note: The Dance Hall!
There is a room, the “Kloob” as the kids call it and luckily, we can use this indoor space whenever we want. The key is huge and looks like one of those cutout cartoon keys- not that that contributes to the story. So, there have been a few times now where it’s cooler outside, or the kids have recently bathed and thus, the staff are hesitant to let them outside. Plus, we spend most mornings out in the crazy, hot sun that by 1:30, we’re ready to be indoors. I was really scared to bring kids here on our own because I felt that it was a pretty big responsibility to be given a key, particularly when we’re still so new. I didn’t want any freakouts or accidents that would result in us looking reckless and untrustworthy. The first time, we entered the room with about 13 kids who were between 10-15 (but who ‘act’ as if their 5-10) and I was feeling pretty good. Just as I’m getting everyone sitting on their bums, quietly, I might add…..In comes another swarm of kids….who are carrying the wee ones (including my little Koala) and of course, none of them are being supervised. We get everyone sitting on the floor and decide to play duck, duck goose. Good simple game right? Well, it is if you know what the sounds ‘duck’ and ‘goose’ actually symbolize. Luckily, I have my colors down pat and improvised with a zelony, zelony, chervoney! –green, green, red! After demonstrating the concept multiple times with just Claud, Amanda, Jo and myself….and reiterating multiple times that the ONLY people that are allowed to be up and running are these 2 children, we began to include the rest of the group. With a little coaxing and reminding where their actual spot was….everyone seemed to get it! What was even more special was that everyone else on the floor, waited for their turn and became genuinely ecstatic to watch the commotion going on around them. The entire time, every single sense I had was turned on, as I was thrilled that things were going well, but very aware that it took just a few more kids to decide to act nutty and in no time, we’d have about 30 kids going wild. After this game, we played a version of ‘doggie, doggie who’s got your bone’ and then some games where you sleep and wake up and act like animals. After that, Bohadan arrived and set us up with some music. Holding hands in a circle, I made up a combo that every person could do….it mostly involved bouncing, marching in and out…and doing some very funky hips! Still, it was so incredibly rewarding to watch my little tiny Vera (age 4) be able to participate, but also Tamara (age 23). After the structured dance, we played variations of dance freeze, dancing with streamers (thank goodness I brought them that day!) and just goofing off. When a slow song came on, everyone partnered up and began slow dancing together. Any of the ‘misfit’ girls all joined one massive group, clung to eachother tightly and swayed. Even the 2 tiny girls with Downsyndrome (Irena and Youlia) sat together on a chair and rocked back and forth, great big smiles plastered across their face. Whenever I would catch my breath, I’d grab them both…dance around the room doing, jumping, swirling…(basically looking like an idiot) until I tired again! It was great ☺
Since then, we’ve used this room multiple times for various crafts, activities and games. Just yesterday (Wed) we played a number of camp games that typically require a lot of instruction. Fortunately, the girls are able to piece how the game works by combining our limited vocabulary, with a number of examples and they’re even learning that they must sit quietly, with their hand raised, if they want another turn. (I realize this is the teacher in me coming out, but it’s such a better system than everyone screaming…”I want, I want!!!”)
Today I had a great experience with a little girl named Luba. Lately, she has been cutting her wrists and it’s really hard to see this because we’re unable to have any serious conversations. She was sitting on the stairs just weeping and I sat down beside her and listened. I didn’t really understand much….I think a badminton racket was broken…but, I nodded and asked questions when I could. The only thing I had on me was a childrens book about farm animals. I had been planning on reading it to the small children as they were stuck in the ‘classroom’ all day, but I remembered being told that Luba was basically illiterate despite the fact that she’s 16 years old. I told her that I wanted to read the book to the malli deetay, but I am bad at reading Ukrainian…will you help me? I totally pulled off the earnest look because she was more than happy to sound out the words with me. Little did she know that I was quite capable of sounding out the sounds, but would let her sound them out JUST before I did…and thus, practice her reading. Any word she appeared to have difficulty with, I ‘happened’ to have trouble with too…and we would stress each individual sound and say it a number of times. She went from this distraught, crying mess to grinning as I sounded out the sounds an animal would make. Moo for example….it was so much fun! Once we finished, I thanked her for helping me…and she was so proud of what she had done. Oh, It was simply awesome!
So..it’s nearing the end of our second week at the Internat and I’m feeling pretty good. There are still several times each day where I ask myself, “how the hell am I going to be able to do this…and what is the point anyways?” but…then I’m reminded a short time later that any love, encouragement and acknowledgment these kids get…positively affects them…and who knows what this will do in the long run.
Love you all, ☺
In the past weekish, there have been some wonderfully amazing experiences that once again, reaffirmed my place here. Though, this past Friday morning was so deflating and downright depressing…so..once again, it’s a wide range of emotions!
Okay, lets do the ‘bad’ experience first. Friday started as a great day…we arrived and were quickly greeted by a gamut of semi nude to full out naked kids running around. Thursdays are cleaning/clothes cleaning day and Fridays are Vana time! (hahaha, I just had a mental image of kids sitting around watching The Wheel of Fortune and clapping wildily when Vana White came on stage!) The Vana I’m referring to is the Vana-Bath and it’s amazing what some warm water and shampoo can do! I found my way downstairs to a ‘classroom’ where the Malli Deetay (small children) were being kept and asked if I could help. I was surprised they had all been bathed (but was glad as I’m afraid the bathing process might have been a bit too rough to handle first thing in the morning) Instead, I was given a comb and went from child to child and brushed their hair. Most of them have very little hair, but even then…you could tell how much they adored the one on one attention. I fell in love with these little angels who smelled good, and weren’t covered in stale urine and caked on food. My little Youla kept getting off of her pot to come and cling…I think I may call her my Koala baby from now on…and I was able to pull out some markers and coloring books, get them to sit down at the little table and tell them how beautiful and molodetz their work was. I loved it! Then….then Maria…(the teacher/nurse) asked if I would stay and watch them for a bit….”Sure!!!!” I replied…probably too enthusiastically. I was thrilled at the opportunitity to have some alone time, and some serious bonding time. Boy oh BOY was I wrong. What happened next challenged me in every single way possible. Out of 9 children, between the ages of 4-7, three of them…basically transformed into monsters!!!! Zoriana is one of the smaller ones, but is extremely bright and often ignored. She began to hoard all of the markers and slap Shneezana in the face (another teeny tiny one). In retrospect, I wish I just would have ignored Zoriana’s behaviour and moved Shneezana as I think this may have provoked less negative attention. Either way, I decided that if she couldn’t share, and wouldn’t play nicely, then she couldn’t do it at all. The problem is, I don’t have the ability to communicate this….especially at a level that would be logical to her. Instead, it became a battle to get the markers….most of which she hurled at other children….a few she tried to eat….and then she tried to color on anything within reach including her tongue. Oddly enough, two other, older girls immediately played into this…and for the next 30 minutes…all 3 children attacked, bit, spit…broke/throw anything they could find. I knew quickly that they simply wanted the attention, so I attempted ‘planned ignoring’. The problem is…when they’re straddling a child who is about 14 lbs…and pulling out chunks of her hair,…you really can’t ignore it. Repeatedly, I pulled these kids off other children, and each other…and had to use a considerable amount of force to do it. What was so infuriating was that they laughed the entire time. If I yanked at a child like that at home, they’d be in tears within seconds….these kids laughed and spit. Ugh! Even now, I’m getting worked up because I have never felt so incompetent and useless (particularly with children!!!) before in my life. At one point, this older girl…who is for some reason clumped with the young’ins….(Mentally, she is definitely 4ish)…realized that she could get into the little back room where the spare clothes and bread was kept. Zoriana and Nastia noticed that she had this ability, and together they plotted to get me to move away from the door. Just then, this little girl Vera (cute little blond girl whose eyes are crossed most of the time) had just finished peeing in a pot. With this look in her eyes, Zoriana ran over to the pot and picked it up. No ZOriana…No….I said…Thinking she was going to throw it….Then..she lifted it to her face and acted as if she was going to drink it. The speed at which I reached her and took the pot from her tiny little hands must have been startling, because there was no struggle but it was only a few seconds later when they were at it again. I seriously considered leaving the room at one point…because I was sooo overwhelmed and nothing I did seemed to work. Finally, I pulled out a small bead and began to do my one and only ‘magic’ trick. That worked for a few moments and I desperately tired to keep their attention longer. My Goodness though, without words…you don’t have access to singing, to imagination…to anything!!!!! When the teacher re-appeared about 40 minutes later…She asked, “How were they?...How did it go?....How something” and I said it was good, but that these 3 children did not listen and were ‘bad’. I hated to use that word…but my vocab is so limited that I “Not listen” and “bad” was all I was able to say. Before I finished saying the words, these 3 kids…shrunk into themselves, hung their heads and prepared for their punishement. She screamed at them…(so very shrill) and grabbed their arms and swung them to bench…(presumably for a time out). Then she continued to scream and I heard something about…. ‘listen ….Valeria….”…. Now…I’m going to be fully honest here: As this was happening, there was a part of me that felt pleased. Finally, they were no longer ‘winning’ and were getting in trouble for it. This feeling didn’t last long because it was soon replaced by this …”Holy Crap…the entire system is just soooo messed up” You want to love and encourage and offer positive reinforcement and create relationships and rapportss that that are so strong, all you need to do is put on a stern face…and it’s enough. But…when the entire system and relationships is based on screaming and violence…both staff and children learn that it is the only way. It’s what works. Even after the countless hours I’ve spent with children, I’ve spent reading and researching and promoting a verbal approach to discipline problems, I felt myself suppressing the urge to just wallop them one! Not because when I’m angry, I want to be physically violent…but I just wanted SOMETHING to work. And when every other single ‘trick’ I had….ran out….I was fed up. Even now…3 days later…I’m still thinking about the experince and it’s changed how I perceive a lot of the ppl at the internat. The children, (in particular…these 3) but in general….how they differ….how they are almost forced to become strong, and tough and able to handle the volatile atmosphere because they must in order to survive. Also, I look at the nurses with less judgment then I initially did. I really don’t know what their life is like, how long they’ve worked here..and what else is happening in their lives. *Huge Sigh*….Either way though, it’s tremendously frustrating because I want it to be different, but I don’t think I have the ability to affect that change.
Anyways, onto a more positive note: The Dance Hall!
There is a room, the “Kloob” as the kids call it and luckily, we can use this indoor space whenever we want. The key is huge and looks like one of those cutout cartoon keys- not that that contributes to the story. So, there have been a few times now where it’s cooler outside, or the kids have recently bathed and thus, the staff are hesitant to let them outside. Plus, we spend most mornings out in the crazy, hot sun that by 1:30, we’re ready to be indoors. I was really scared to bring kids here on our own because I felt that it was a pretty big responsibility to be given a key, particularly when we’re still so new. I didn’t want any freakouts or accidents that would result in us looking reckless and untrustworthy. The first time, we entered the room with about 13 kids who were between 10-15 (but who ‘act’ as if their 5-10) and I was feeling pretty good. Just as I’m getting everyone sitting on their bums, quietly, I might add…..In comes another swarm of kids….who are carrying the wee ones (including my little Koala) and of course, none of them are being supervised. We get everyone sitting on the floor and decide to play duck, duck goose. Good simple game right? Well, it is if you know what the sounds ‘duck’ and ‘goose’ actually symbolize. Luckily, I have my colors down pat and improvised with a zelony, zelony, chervoney! –green, green, red! After demonstrating the concept multiple times with just Claud, Amanda, Jo and myself….and reiterating multiple times that the ONLY people that are allowed to be up and running are these 2 children, we began to include the rest of the group. With a little coaxing and reminding where their actual spot was….everyone seemed to get it! What was even more special was that everyone else on the floor, waited for their turn and became genuinely ecstatic to watch the commotion going on around them. The entire time, every single sense I had was turned on, as I was thrilled that things were going well, but very aware that it took just a few more kids to decide to act nutty and in no time, we’d have about 30 kids going wild. After this game, we played a version of ‘doggie, doggie who’s got your bone’ and then some games where you sleep and wake up and act like animals. After that, Bohadan arrived and set us up with some music. Holding hands in a circle, I made up a combo that every person could do….it mostly involved bouncing, marching in and out…and doing some very funky hips! Still, it was so incredibly rewarding to watch my little tiny Vera (age 4) be able to participate, but also Tamara (age 23). After the structured dance, we played variations of dance freeze, dancing with streamers (thank goodness I brought them that day!) and just goofing off. When a slow song came on, everyone partnered up and began slow dancing together. Any of the ‘misfit’ girls all joined one massive group, clung to eachother tightly and swayed. Even the 2 tiny girls with Downsyndrome (Irena and Youlia) sat together on a chair and rocked back and forth, great big smiles plastered across their face. Whenever I would catch my breath, I’d grab them both…dance around the room doing, jumping, swirling…(basically looking like an idiot) until I tired again! It was great ☺
Since then, we’ve used this room multiple times for various crafts, activities and games. Just yesterday (Wed) we played a number of camp games that typically require a lot of instruction. Fortunately, the girls are able to piece how the game works by combining our limited vocabulary, with a number of examples and they’re even learning that they must sit quietly, with their hand raised, if they want another turn. (I realize this is the teacher in me coming out, but it’s such a better system than everyone screaming…”I want, I want!!!”)
Today I had a great experience with a little girl named Luba. Lately, she has been cutting her wrists and it’s really hard to see this because we’re unable to have any serious conversations. She was sitting on the stairs just weeping and I sat down beside her and listened. I didn’t really understand much….I think a badminton racket was broken…but, I nodded and asked questions when I could. The only thing I had on me was a childrens book about farm animals. I had been planning on reading it to the small children as they were stuck in the ‘classroom’ all day, but I remembered being told that Luba was basically illiterate despite the fact that she’s 16 years old. I told her that I wanted to read the book to the malli deetay, but I am bad at reading Ukrainian…will you help me? I totally pulled off the earnest look because she was more than happy to sound out the words with me. Little did she know that I was quite capable of sounding out the sounds, but would let her sound them out JUST before I did…and thus, practice her reading. Any word she appeared to have difficulty with, I ‘happened’ to have trouble with too…and we would stress each individual sound and say it a number of times. She went from this distraught, crying mess to grinning as I sounded out the sounds an animal would make. Moo for example….it was so much fun! Once we finished, I thanked her for helping me…and she was so proud of what she had done. Oh, It was simply awesome!
So..it’s nearing the end of our second week at the Internat and I’m feeling pretty good. There are still several times each day where I ask myself, “how the hell am I going to be able to do this…and what is the point anyways?” but…then I’m reminded a short time later that any love, encouragement and acknowledgment these kids get…positively affects them…and who knows what this will do in the long run.
Love you all, ☺
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